Anni & Ella's Visit to Dallas 3-31-11

Hudson, my Hud (that's what Ella says),

Hudson, we had the most special visitors this weekend, our best friends - Anni and Ella. We had the best time. They left this morning and we both miss them so much! They had to leave this at 6am - you were still asleep. Anni and I were warning you and Ella last night so that you would not be surprised and upset when you woke up this morning. You woke up and said some things, and then finally said, " Where are Anni and Ella?" I said, "They had to leave baby. They got on a big airplane this morning." You said, "I am going to go check to see if they are gone." You went in the bedroom that they had been staying in. I could have cried. You had a look of sadness, but picked your head up and went about your business.

I have to tell you about the first 30 minutes with them because it has to do with how passionate and big your heart is Hudson. I think you loved and missed Ella so much your heart could have exploded and you didn't know how to put it all into words. Just the fact that she lives in another city now and she has been gone. You were trying to wrap your head around it. You are a thinker. So, we went to the airport to pick them up and we were waiting outside in our. Anni and Ella came out and I said, "There they are!" You had a smile and they walked up to the car and I was so excited and gave them big hugs. You went into shut off mode. I had talked to you about this before they came to the car. I told you that I knew you were excited, and I had been preparing you for the visit for about a 5 days (I did not tell you before that because it would have been too long a wait and toddlers like instant gratification). I said, "Baby, be nice and say 'how are you', 'I have missed you'." I knew you would go in shut off mode and I was a little worried. You basically lost it. I say, "Anni and Ella are here!! Say hi." You start whining and crying, "No. No!! I don't want to say hi." You went on and on and I tried to ignore it. We all did. Anni and Ella love you so much and know you so well. They have seen this many times before. This is basically the same drill we go through every time you see Ella. You shut down because you love her so much and are so excited to see her, you just don't know what to do, how to act or what to say. Ella, sweet baby girl, is such a great, loyal friend to you. She loves you so much Hudson. She knows your personality and tells you to snap out of it basically. She is like, "Come on Hudson. Hudson, oh Hudson," waiting for you to snap out of your funk. All of a sudden after about 30 minutes (you went to your room you cried, you were saying NO), you walk up to Anni, give her the biggest hug and say, "Hi, how are you? I missed you!" Oh, my love, my Hudson. You have such a passionate, big heart, there is so much love in it and I think it is hard for you to put it all into words and deal with it at times. You just shut down, but you always always come around. It's ok that it takes you a bit sometimes. Your Mamma is just the same. As long as you do not say anything mean or disrespectful. Mamma does not like that at all.

You and Ella played, watched TV and snuggled, jammed out, went to the park, ran in the sprinklers, wrestled on the trampoline and just had a ball. It warmed our hearts just watching you all. Hudson, Ella is a very special little girl. She is beautiful and bright and she understands you. She, like all girls, is a flower (I always tell you that girls are flowers and boys are tough and that you play differently with girls than you do with boys), but Ella is tough. She can take care of herself, just like her mommy. she wrestled with you on the trampoline for so long. I mean you were pulling her down by her shirt and she was laughing and getting right back up. There are not a lot girls who could play with you like that. She's tough and I love it. So do you! Yo all had the greatest time on the trampoline. You were like two puppies and Anni, Daddy and I were soaking it up, having the best time watching how sweet you all were laughing and playing.

You and Ella have a very very special connection. It is visceral, sweet and pure. I think you all truly love one another. The first night you all were watching in TV on our bed and I caught the most special moment. You laid your head in her lap, and she said, "Hudson, you are glad I am here, aren't you?' You said, "Yes I am, I love you." Oh My God. It was the sweetest most precious thing I had ever seen! Like little adults, not 3 year olds!

Anni and Mommy are special friends too and maybe this is why you love Anni and Ella even that much more. It was so fun to see her and catch up. We got to drink some wine and chat the night away every night. Mommy misses her so much. She is a true friend, a real friend. She was the best friend that I had made here in Dallas and she had to move away. But, it doesn't matter the distance, we will always be close to her and Ella

Hudson, you love Anni so much. I have never seen you take to any Mother like that. You run up to her, hug her, kiss her and tell her you love her, you did it all weekend. Anni said you were the sweetest little boy with the biggest heart she has ever met. She gets you too, even when you go in shut down mode.

We are lucky to have Anni and Ella. They are true friends and true friends don't just come around everyday. You are lucky if you can count on one hand the truly close friends in your life. The ones that would do anything for you and stand by you through thick and thin. Anni and Ella are counted on that hand. Friends like Anni and Ella are friends you cherish, respect and nourish.

Hudson, it is hard for you to come to grips with your feelings at moments, but you always get there and face them at some point and I am so proud of you. I always talk with you about it later. I ask you how you were feeling and why. I want you to always be able to talk about your feelings with me because I love you, you are my heart, and whatever it is, I will understand. It always feels better to get it out. If you feel like you are shutting down, walk away for a bit, collect your thoughts, take three deep breaths, and come back and face them. Always come back and face your feelings, because if you don't, they will haunt you. They do not just vanish. I know this from experience. Face your fears my love.

I love you my sweet boy, Hudson

two quotes to think about amore:

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -FDR

"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." - John 8:32

"Never let the fear of striking out get in your way." -Babe Ruth

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs 3-6-2011

OBSESSED! Hudson, you are obsessed with this movie that I rented from Netflix. It is called "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs." You have been very into dinosaurs for sometime now. At first they kind of scared you, but you were still curious. I took you to see the dinosaur exhibit at the Natural Museum of History and you got frightened, but you still wanted to see them. You were curious. The dinosaurs in the exhibit were as big as a house and they would have scared any 2 year old! Now, you are less scared and super fascinated by them.

It is a very big deal that you are so into this movie, because it is the first one you have ever been into. You have not been able to sit still that long. So far, we have only watched 30 minute TV shows. I knew there would be a day when you would get into movies and here we are. You actually sit for an hour and a half, eyes glued. You have never sat this long in front of the TV! It is a nice break to be honest, but I don't want you watching too much TV, I have never wanted you too. We use to never turn the TV on during the day. I would not allow it. It seems now that you are becoming a big boy, we are watching more TV. It's ok, because it is still controlled, but I never want you to be a couch potato! It is just not good. You must always get outside, move around and energize your body. ALWAYS! However, some TV and movies are just fine. Your Mamma loves to get lost in the movies, I always have, since I was little.

I can see why kids watch too much TV. I never understood it before I came a mom. It is really the only time that I get a break.

You wake up saying, "Can we watch the movie?" You love love love it. You have memorized the scenes and all the characters. There is huge Mamma T-Rex and you love her. You also interesting like the big, scary T-Rex named Rudy. After the show, you say, "I like Rudy Mamma." It's so funny how you like the big scary one. You have gone to bed two nights in a row late because of this movie, without a shower ! We never do that. My baby is growing up on me. Sniff sniff.

There is one part where all the animals go into the Chasm of Death to look for their friend, Sid the Sloth. I missed the part and said, "Where are they going?" You look at me all serious and say, "The Chasm of Death." OMG! That's nuts. You are not even 3. Oh also, you freak out in the scene where they first see the dinosaurs. You literally stand, up, clap, laugh and get so excited. It really is the cutest thing ever! Tonight, you, me and Daddy cuddled and watched the movie and it was so sweet.

I love you my love,

Mamma